How Overwhelm Led to the Dawn of Epiphany Girl

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In my last post I shared one of the two big takeaways from reviewing the past year through a positive lens. Here’s round two!

So, I noticed that I was consistently telling my friends my superhero name was

Epiphany Girl.  It just fit so well.  I was having epiphany after epiphany!  She’s a super alter ego to have because her superpower is clarity…and clarity makes all the difference. 

But here’s the catch. I didn't decide to become Epiphany Girl, I didn’t even know she could exist.  I went through quite a bit of emotional excavation before she was able to come through. 

So, let’s start out thinking about it this way…a physical symptom gives us a clue.        

For example, a fever is a clue we may have an infection.

Our emotional reactions give us clues, too.  So, when emotional symptoms come up the first thing we want to do is ask WHY.  Asking WHY has always naturally been part of my repertoire.  This nets me another super alter ego…I Have Questions Girl.

Keep in mind, I’m also a Capricorn… so I’m always climbing that mountain.

This also makes me Get’er Done Girl.  Get’er Done Girl’s kryptonite, though, is the evil Never-Ending To-Do List.  I always say, “If it’s not on a list, it doesn’t exist.” But more on this in the next episode!

I started to notice that my usual Capricorn-style of “just push through it” suddenly felt exhausting in a way it never had before. When I looked back with honesty, I realized I’d been living in a constant state of overwhelm - over functioning, overperforming - just powering through, like adults who are adulting have to do. But eventually, I hit a wall and I just… couldn’t. So, I put on my I Have Questions Girl cape and asked myself, “WHY?”

Asking WHY is always a great start.  But (there’s always a big but and it’s usually mine!) as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized I need Change Agent Answers.  Change Agent Answers connect your WHY to the deeper reasoning underneath.  For example, identifying all the external factors contributing to my overwhelm and exhaustion was easy.  Naming things outside of ourselves is good but we often don’t have control over anything outside of us.  Plus, I knew there had to be more to it than, “I’m shutting down because I’m tired.” I needed to find a Change Agent level answer. So how did I do that?

Life is literally about how we feel.  How does someone make you feel? How does something make you feel?  So, when I walk back my WHY it’s like connecting the dots.  I had this feeling.  WHY?  What does that feeling remind me of?  What does this feeling connect to?  Where is this feeling coming from that seems so automatic?  In doing this I uncovered things running quietly in the background of my internal operating system, my autopilot, if you will. 

I started to see that my overwhelm came from holding myself to an impossibly high level of accountability, much higher than I would ever hold anyone else, including General Public.  General Public thinks he’s high ranking official, even an authority, but he’s literally just…everybody…

And that’s when I saw it. I was connecting my worth to performance. Perform to be worthy.  And that programming didn’t come out of nowhere. Hustle Culture and Comparison Culture reinforce it every single day.  This made me think of my Uncle Phil and how he used to ask, “Who’s your daddy?!”  Who is the daddy of these two overachieving sons we call Hustle and Comparison Culture?  Why, it’s Norm, of course.  I just heard Jerry Springer in my head say, “Norm…you ARE the father!” Lol

This brought me to the realization that so much of our collective unhappiness seems to boil down to one thing- a lack of self-worth.  And if you look at

General Public through this lens you suddenly have much more empathy.

SO, Norm plays a huge part in this- and we can’t forget his ole’ buddy,

Ricky Reality Check.  Ricky likes to pop in and to bring us down to earth in a gentle body slamming kind of way.  As if we need their help- we’re already our own worst critic. 

Our internal dialogue becomes our truth.  Read that again!

You would never say the things you say to yourself to someone else.  YIKE.

That’s a major flag on the play, folks!

So, Norm, General Public, and Ricky Reality Check all tell us to perform and achieve if we want to be valued. They’re running an over-opinionated circus. You don’t have to be one of their monkeys. Life can certainly feel like a circus, but hey, your life, your circus.  Circuses are supposed to be fun.  So, stop walking their tight rope and use it as your zip line. You get to decide what holds value and where your time and energy go.

So, once I realized I was performing to be worthy that helped shift my perspective.  But it was actually kinda scary, because when you take parts of yourself off autopilot, off of that operating system that’s just running in the background, you don’t quite recognize yourself anymore. 

(Psst! But that’s OK!  It’s called growth!)

But I Have Questions Girl was still hot on the trail of a Change Agent Answer.  Because I was still shutting down. Performance-based worth was definitely a culprit.  But clearly there was more to it.  So, I asked WHY?  Why did “I” care so much about performance?  And who did I find hiding in the deepest corner of my mind? A shadowy figure by the name of Captain Control.

There he was, lurking in the shadows- trying to control schedules, situations, people, outcomes.  But in his defense, Captain Control wasn’t really the villain. He was just doing his job.  He’s in charge of protection.  And he was protecting something much more crippling…fear.  Control is fear based.  So just realizing this is huge.  This meant I was afraid of something.  And I was!  I was afraid of being over committed, put in taxing situations, or ending up with outcomes I didn’t want.  Captain Control was just trying to keep me safe. 

In walking that back even further, I was able to name the fear Captain Control was guarding… scarcity.  Scarcity mindset constantly whispers, “There’s never enough.”  (Ricky Reality Check looovves scarcity mindset BTW.) 

So, for me, it wasn’t just scarcity around money or success…it was time. There was never enough time. I was going to miss this or that opportunity, I wasn’t going to accomplish anything, I could never get all the things done, Drew was growing up too fast, we were missing out on his childhood! 

(And it did go fast but that’s a different discussion!) 

I realized Captain Control was harboring fear and scarcity, and it was fragmenting my time and attention.  I was chasing squirrels…and I never caught a single one.  And I felt bad, sad and less than about the squirrels I didn’t catch, the boats I missed and the trains that left the station without me.  It’s OK to mourn missed opportunities. Remember, process it. Even if you have to tell your cat, get it out.  But don’t wallow in the wallows.  Trust that what is yours will not pass you by.  That trust is paramount.  I’ve learned that time has so much less to do with this than we think.  Fear is creating that urgency.  And sometimes rejection, or redirection, is protection. 

I realized maybe I was never meant to catch a squirrel.

Maybe I was meant for something bigger, something more. 

No offense to squirrels everywhere…

Following the emotional clues of exhaustion, overwhelm, and shutting down helped me see more clearly.  I walked away from Norm and his cronies.  And I saw Captain Control for who he really is…I mean, his job is a façade anyway.  The only thing you can really control is yourself…and we all know even that is incredibly hard!

So, I said, “Sayonara,” to’em all and radically surrendered. I wanted to be open to what was truly meant for me….and suddenly, I met Flow.  Flow was full of surprises. What she brought was much better, stronger and aligned than anything that Captain Control and I ever tried to over plan or force.  And it came with so much more ease than I had ever experienced in my life. 

For the first time ever I met Crystal, Crystal Clear.

And she’s a beaut.

So, to come full circle.

I stopped shutting down. 

Because I truly understood WHY. 

I connected the emotional dots to get to a Change Agent level answer that told me what I needed to know…and introduced me to Flow and Crystal, my new BFFs.

And that is how Epiphany Girl came through.

In the next episode of Super Alter Egos see how Get’er Done Girl neutralizes her kryptonite, the evil Never-Ending To-Do List…

And as Grandad always used to say, “Now there’s some sense to that.”

Until next time, wishing you much love and laughter.